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dating

It shouldn’t be but it is.

As a single, almost -28-year-old gal (one week until my birthday) I’ve recently had a new look at the way we are dating these days.  I’ve been single for about four and a half years now and COMPLETELY by choice.  I had three back-to-back, long-term relationships from 11th grade all the way up to 2010.  I was almost two years out of college and living in the Pittsburgh area when I had had it with my current relationship and Pittsburgh (there’s nothing wrong with Pittsburgh but I was there for almost six years and so ready to be back in Philadelphia with my friends and family).  I needed a fresh start and was so ready to be very single for the first time in years and living it up in Philly.

After moving home I got a great job in the fashion industry, was making great money at age 23, and I. was. free.  Free to stay out all night.  Free to take beaucoup amounts of shots and dance on the bar without feeling bad about it. Free to hang out with my guy friends- not that having a boyfriend ever stopped me from doing so, but there was no having to call and explain who they were for my significant others’ reassurance.  You know, that whole, “no babe, Jim and I have been like brother and sister since we were in diapers.  I’ve never touched him,” but leaving out the part about that one time playing spin the bottle in 8th grade.  God forbid.

I was so excited about life, not being five hours away from my friends and family, and having an absolute blast being single and meeting all types of guys.  It was great getting attention and being able to flirt with anyone I wanted.  I’d go on dates but nothing serious.  I was in no way ready to settle down!  Life was just getting started.

Through these past four and a half years I’ve been completely content, and still am, being single.  My main priority has always been career first and ensuring I get to where I need to be.  I’m extremely driven and passionate about what I do, and always saw myself ending up in N.Y.C. because, hey, it’s the Mecca of the fashion industry in the U.S.  The idea of finding someone was nice, and I wouldn’t stop it from happening if the opportunity presented itself, but I guess in the back of my head I knew I wouldn’t be settling in Philly since my goal has been to be in New York.  Now that I’ve finally accomplished my goal and moved to the Big Apple this summer, I feel I’m really open to the idea of actually finding someone special.  But there’s one problem…it’s not easy.  Nobody said It would be but I didn’t expect the dating world to take such a negative and superficial turn.

Remember when it was so un-cool and weird to online date?  You wouldn’t dream of being caught dead on a dating website.  Only creepy and desperate people do that!  I can totally remember when I was living in Pittsburgh and one of my super attractive best friends told me she was on a dating website and had been going on dates with a bunch of doctors and lawyers.  I was in complete shock!  Why would she need to be on a dating website?  Of course I was in a relationship at this time so I wasn’t able to wrap my head around the fact that it was difficult for a pretty girl to go out and get a date.  It cannot be that hard.  I soon figured out her pain with dating and I am still experiencing it.  Sure enough, I’ve found my way on and off multiple dating sites over the years and honestly can say I am a complete advocate for online dating.  It is a great tool to meet incredible people that you’d never meet at a bar and I’ve had many friends end up marrying someone they met this way.  It’s 2014 and EVERYONE is online dating to some extent.  It’s no longer weird or creepy and has become the norm.  The shift that I’m seeing though is that a few years back, these sites were used to genuinely find a connection but because it is the norm and more people are online dating than ever, the abundance of single people at just one click or swipe is becoming insane.  It’s too easy anymore.  Sure you go on a date with a great guy or girl who meets “all of your standards,” but before you can even go on a second date, you’ve already had five new Tinder matches and you’ve forgotten all about the great date you went on last night.  We are just so ready for the next best thing. 

I just had this exact conversation with one of my girlfriends this morning who could not have agreed with me more.  Dating is absolutely exhausting these days because you already know what’s going to happen.  You’ll meet, go on another date, maybe even make it to date three but then it just slowly fizzles out before anything gets started.   Nobody makes another move.  You don’t hear from each other again and you’ve already scheduled three new dates with three different guys next week.  I’ve turned into a serial dater but that’s mostly because my issue with my dates is I’m never really attracted to them.  This sounds shallow but you have to agree there has to be some sort of physical attraction. Once I finally do have an attraction to someone and I’m interested, cue the fizzling, and like that they’e gone.  *Sigh*

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